I'm a lousy excuse of a human being. Ironically, I'm upset with humankind.

It's okay, by tomorrow evening I expect myself to have bounced back from whatever this is.

All is good, all is well. I have no suicide ideations, and clearly no loss of appetite.

I think I have binge-eating disorder, not to be confused with bulimia nervosa. I eat way too much than I should.

Can't decide if I should reach CGH at 8 or 9am tomorrow.

Homicidal intentions? Harrumph.

It's been a lousy day.

It's been a long week.
I'm tired, and tired, and TATT. In my bouts of tiredness, there is hyperactivity.

Learned how to play Citadels today, apparently it's a game where you can sabotage people to no end. But I'm a noob, and haven't figured it out yet. I also touched mahjong tiles for the first time in my life. I'm noobier than a noob.

Cycling at ECP was fun! I've gotten the hang of it and am not moving about in a sinusoidal wave that much anymore. Vast improvements, according to Mr I-don't-need-sunscreen. Yay. Plus I think I've managed to get a little suntan without burning this time.

I watched Sleepless in Seattle and Runaway Bride. They don't make romantic comedies like those anymore. The two shows were so cute, I think my heart exploded.

I have no idea how to stay sane while writing a psychiatry report. The history is too long and dawdling to put down concisely, and if I'm overly-descriptive, I'll just be writing circumferentially. My tutor will probably psychoanalyze me via my write-up too.

2 more weeks til crazy-doom week. I don't know what's gonna happen to me.

HEEHEE! I know what we're going to get for xr's birthday! I am a mastermind! *muahahahhahaha*

The passage KP read today totally sounds like him.

I saw kittens suckling (the mother cat was involved, obviously) and it was super cute!
That made me declare:
I WANT A PUPPY FOR MY BIRTHDAY! =( It will never happen. I told my mother and she went "noooooo!" very loudly. Sigh.
What about a pegasus? I think that'd be fantastic, I could ride it to the hospital everyday.

Urgh, do not want to look at the word document wherein lies my fam-med writeup.

Honestly, the things I want are the things that money can't buy, so I don't know... surprise me positively.

Speaking of which, psychiatry has made my thoughts linger on EMAs... especially the 3rd case study shared today. But yes, I do agree that women tend to use more subversive forms of communication than men. It's like society designed women to be more devilish because they are constantly hurt by men. However it's a vicious cycle, and nothing good will ever come out of it.

God help me to survive this next 4 weeks.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens;
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens;
Brown paper packages tied up with strings;
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels;
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles;
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings;
These are a few of my favorite things.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes;
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes;
Silver-white winters that melt into springs;
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the dog bites,
When the bee stings,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

I'm trying to find a way to do my writeup without it sounding asinine, but even that seems impossible.

Some things just leave you quaking in your feet.

I loved Transamerica, and yeah, I'm a few years late but this is a common phenomenon in my world. Dolly Parton is kind of amazing too, but I can't understand why.

My birthday's coming up! But I don't know what I want; haven't the vaguest idea. I only know I'm sick of receiving notebooks and mugs for my birthday. =_='' And no... mother, I refuse to plan a party and buy food. I don't have enough brain cells left to rub. As a sign of rebellion, I shall celebrate my 23rd (or something else) birthday instead of this one, because truthfully, it doesn't have much meaning. Also... why would I want to plan my own birthday? Not like I planned to be born on that day, anyway.

December is the month of stress in medical school. Speaking of which, I have no idea how I'm going to write my CMPS report if I can't even do this silly family medicine one.

I need to sleep more. SIGH.

Finally got about to watching Phoebe in Wonderland via the spiffy invention known as the Internet. Loved the show. Love Felicity Huffman! Which reminds me, I must lay my hands on Transamerica some time soon. However, I shall resist temptation and only watch it next weekend.

This week is going to be hectic, seeing as I've played most of the weekend away and still have yet to produce a writeup. Don't even have a word document open for it yet. Que sera, sera, what will be, will be.

Phoebe in Wonderland made me think of the Wizard of Oz. I'm not sure if the book I read about 15 years ago is still around. It was a classic.

I'm so sleepy, must've been the poppy seeds someone baked into lemon muffins.

Yesterday I cooked myself dinner, haven't done that in a long time. I just experimented with potatoes and pork and carrots and noodles and YUM. Which I had time and resources to make pesto and other stuff. Well, one day, and all in time. I just need a day where the kitchen is all mine.... *evil laughter*

Sleepy. Shall sleep soon, and wake up to print slides. urgh.

"Spend life with who makes you happy, not who you have to impress". (This goes out to CKP... just because. I think it rings true, doesn't it?)

The rain was pouring down so heavily today that visibility was reduced to just the car before me on the highway, in my book, that makes for difficult driving. Couldn't even see the road markings; and that coupled with my fear that the car will just combust with me in it... wasn't so good.

I'm not cut out for Fmed, y'know? Everything just seems too theoretical and it's like practice is being forced into containers of theories with bombastic names and eponyms but they don't make any more sense than common sense. (and I don't see enough drama in the GP clinics).


I would love to just bum around and sip fruit juice in somewhere with COLD WINTER AIR.

Unfortunately, I have to submit to the plans of the thunderclouds, and whatever else there is in my current environment.

Rebellion is a sign of life, isn't it? It's the fight against death, against struggles, against whatever else is enslaving people. To all the rebels of the world... kudos, just don't hurt anyone in the process of staying alive.

It's so stupid that my body refuses to sleep what it is given and instead decides to wake up as if I'm still doing my surgery posting. OR it only uses the number of hours that I used to use during the surgical posting. Silly.

CMPS dude, please do not forsake me. My ship is sinking as it is.

Writeups suck.

I miss lots of things.

Rainfall has been 5 times that of last month's. Amazing difference. Driving remains scary in the rain. Accidents galore.

I have lost the ability to speak/type complete sentences.

TIRED. I want to watch more movies on HBO because I can. For this week, next week I'll have to stuff all the family medicine I can into my head.

What is this? I hope I'm not being stupid and investing in nothing. But anyway... whatever.

Family medicine is... odd, but I shouldn't judge so soon.

Pathology is proving to be a thorn in my butt.

See the stars, love,  
In the water much clearer and brighter  
Than those above us, and whiter,  
Like nenuphars.  
  
Star-shadows shine, love, 
How many stars in your bowl?  
How many shadows in your soul,  
Only mine, love, mine?  
  
When I move the oars, love,  
See how the stars are tossed, 
Distorted, the brightest lost.  
—So that bright one of yours, love.  
  
The poor waters spill  
The stars, waters broken, forsaken.  
—The heavens are not shaken, you say, love, 
Its stars stand still.  
  
There, did you see  
That spark fly up at us; even  
Stars are not safe in heaven.  
—What of yours, then, love, yours?
  
What then, love, if soon  
Your light be tossed over a wave?  
Will you count the darkness a grave,  
And swoon, love, swoon?

I'll just keep hanging on to the believe that one day I'll actually amount to something in this chaotic lesion in the galaxy we call Earth.
I can imagine aliens using the word 'Earth' in certain manners. Heh. sci-fi.

Woke up this morning with a dull headache, as if I was drunk with depression the night before. Maybe, I truly was, after a devastating morning with mishaps that just weighed so heavily. Optimism, I'll get to you when I'm done with Worry. Still, it was nice seeing people other than my CG. It was nice, and the movie was nice, and the acting like idiots at the park was nice.

(500) Days of Summer. It was not long enough, in my opinion, certain things should've been elaborated on more. But overall it was good, it was funny, and..."because I wanted to!"

There are more shows I want to watch, actually.

It's okay, I can survive with the nagging feeling of this.

It's time to move on, isn't it? Medicine posting be damned! On to pathology and family medicine, and psychiatry after that, which I'm assuming will be more fun.

And in my prayers...well, certain things will stay there.

I can't believe I'm such an optimistic pessimist, I'm actually digging for silver linings in an obviously drowning notion. :(



Isn't this just cheerful? Reminds me of happy days. It's like the childhood I never had, maybe because we don't grow these things here.